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[4/20 Prep] Pick a user and roast them with dank memez

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@Braunsleeve

 

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

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@Dwesk

 

I got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the... - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants If nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where... - Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute. - What is happening? - Please, settle down. We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here. Look, there he is. Talk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simple order: A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm really scared here, man. - You got a name? - Phil. - You got a family, Phil? Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family. I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to tell you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab . Oops. Hold on. - Congratulations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple. I love being purple! We're going to the place where all the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober Yeah Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab . First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. Hello. I like money. What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors. Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet... ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! - Here it is, just like you said. - Oh, boy. It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world! Well, good luck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab . - We paid $ for this? - I paid . Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah! Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you all know. It starts with an S. - That's me. - Please welcome our new manager... ...Squidward Tentacles. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of... SpongeBob. Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a complete what of myself? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But... But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, let's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofball? - Closer, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-ling. - Wing nut. A Knucklehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. " You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but... - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher. Well, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. Bless you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That would be nice. Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your bald spot. - It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown. I'm gonna be bald? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your "crown"... What the...? My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab manager. Wow, the pressure's already setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober Meal, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those. Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeling better already. - Yeah. Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I always get the nuts? All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called... ..."Waiter!" Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said : . I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long. Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting. Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this pole executed at once. A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs. " Relinquish the royal crown to me at once. But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it. Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message. Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye. Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! Plan Z. I love Plan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me. Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - Please, tell King Neptune all about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am -percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone else? No? Well, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you will... Wait. I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Bald. Bald. - Bald! Bald! - Bald! Bald! My eyes! All right, all right. King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back? You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run along, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't let you. Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I told you to stay in the carriage. Where's your love and compassion? Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I... - Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem? - Bald! Bald! Bald! - Bald! - Bald! Bald! - My eyes! All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come along, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magical bag of winds. - I stole them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good luck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I believe in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I... Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. Patrick, let's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license. You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. - Shell City, here we come! - Shell City, here we come! Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah Fill her up, please. What'll it be, fellas, mustard or ketchup? Are they laughing at us? No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City. - Shell City? - Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops? That's right. Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line. Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. Out of the car, fellas. How many seconds was that? Twelve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. Step right up. Plenty for everybody. Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out. " By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket helmets for everyone! My helmet! Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. I never agreed. Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - All right. - All right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be close by now. Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. By car. I wish we still had our car. SpongeBob, look. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. Walk in and ask him for it. What are you looking at? - Patrick, that's a terrible idea. - Sorry. I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me walking back...? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You call that a distraction? Well, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - Bubble party! - Bubble party! Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules! All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who blew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was... - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a real man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I only coughed, I swear. DJ! Turn it up louder! Don't sing along, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at... Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby. Man, that was a close call. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some people have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With? So you're selling Krabby Patties, Plankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune! We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. Now activating helmet brain- control devices. What? All hail Plankton. - What's going on here? - All hail Plankton. Seize him, slaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. "Weed them out. " What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? Hey, look, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocolate! Got you covered. Two, please. Certainly. You kids enjoy. Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, let's... You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! Well, we lost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R... Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. ... hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. Hey, look, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'll never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you call that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. Pull your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown. What do you mean, the only ones left? Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say Planktopolis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. Plankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. Squire, will you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But... But we're just... - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! - I believe. - That's the spirit. I believe that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincible! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec... Well... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincible! Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men I change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown "Shell City, dead ahead. " We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse. - Now that we're men... - Finally. I got you right where I want you. Can I help you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches. You mean these? I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. - Is he a mermaid? - All right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? Plankton was very specific. Plankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. I love this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the Cyclops! Help us! Help us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. Artificially colored rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl. Hey, there's some fish folk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! Help! - Hey! Help! - A little help here! We're stuck in this... - Help us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move. Tell me about it. This doesn't look too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs? I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed. Shell City. Yeah, we never made it to Shell City. Shell City. Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to. Shell City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, look at the sign. "Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries. " Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and look at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're alive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's lighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you still have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. " - Okay. - "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. " - Right. - "Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. " Check. Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - Please, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David Hasselhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, Hasselhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Well, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, calendar. March . Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries. " Guess who's here. Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It looks like... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. Please, I didn't do it. There is nothing else I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? Mindy, will you butt out. I won't have you stalling this execution. Stalling? I'm not stalling anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm stalling. - Yes. - Stalling? - Stalling! - Stalling. - Stalling! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, fellas. SpongeBob, be careful. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. It's gonna take a lot more than ... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a lot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...stalling. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done. - But, Daddy... - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below. But we'll never be able to float down in time. Who said anything about floating? - Initiating launch sequence. - What the...? - Did you see that? - The control. All hands on deck. Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight... Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... ...to fry. - No. - Yes. - ... one. No! You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautiful crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it. Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! Umbrella? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. SpongeBob, what happened? - Plankton cheated. - Cheated? Hold on there, baldy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill. And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, -and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune... - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or managerial promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the wall. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back. - All right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of all, I'm... - Okay, settle down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scallop?! I'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober Put your toys away Well, all I gotta say When you tell me not to play I say no way - No way! - No, no freaking way I'm a kid, you say When you say I'm a kid I say, "Say it again" And then I say thanks - Thanks! - Thank you very much So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free I'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. - Seize him! - All hail Plankton. I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious helmets! His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fools. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I will destroy all of you! Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. - Now, let's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the...? I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employ such a brave, faithful and heroic young lad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. I couldn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along. Are you crazy? I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist. Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave. What? Say that again, if you dare. You folks have to leave. Okay.

 

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What are you fucking gay

  • Love 2

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emoji's arent allowed so heres the first page of Mein Kampf

 

Vorwort
Am 1.April 1924 hatte ich, auf Grund des Urteilsspruches
des Münchner Volksgerichts von diesem Tage,
meine Festungshaft zu Landsberg am Lech anzutreten.
Damit bot sich mir nach Jahren ununterbrochener Arbeit
zum ersten Male die Möglichkeit, an ein Werk heranzugehen,
das von vielen gefordert und von mir selbst als
zweckmäßig für die Bewegung empfunden wurde. So habe
ich mich entschlossen, in zwei Bänden nicht nur die Ziele
unserer Bewegung klarzulegen, sondern auch ein Bild der
Entwicklung derselben zu zeichnen. Aus ihr wird mehr zu
lernen sein als aus jeder rein doktrinären Abhandlung.
Ich hatte dabei auch die Gelegenheit, eine Darstellung
meines eigenen Werdens zu geben, soweit dies zum Verständnis
sowohl des ersten als auch des zweiten Bandes
nötig ist und zur Zerstörung der von der jüdischen Presse
betriebenen üblen Legendenbildung über meine Person
dienen kann.
Ich wende mich dabei mit diesem Werk nicht an Fremde,
sondern an diejenigen Anhänger der Bewegung, die mit
dem Herzen ihr gehören und deren Verstand nun nach
innigerer Aufklärung strebt.
Ich weiß, daß man Menschen weniger durch das geschriebene
Wort als vielmehr durch das gesprochene zu
gewinnen vermag, daß jede große Bewegung auf dieser
Erde ihr Wachsen den großen Rednern und nicht den
großen Schreibern verdankt.
Dennoch muß zur gleichmäßigen und einheitlichen Vertretung
einer Lehre das Grundsätzliche derselben niedergelegt
werden für immer. Hierbei sollen diese beiden Bände
als Bausteine gelten, die ich dem gemeinsamen Werke
beifüge. 

 

edit: this is actually the introduction idk i dont speak nazi

  • Love 3

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@everyone

 

  • Love 1

let me in.

8c1R5CB.gif

 

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@everyone 

 

  • Love 2

SUCK MY FUCK 

 

SUck My sugary Goodness

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1 minute ago, Almighty Donut said:

@everyone 

 

 

  • Love 1

FEATURED ALBUM • BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB // I HAD THE BLUES BUT I SHOOK THEM LOOSE • Indie Rock
DOWNLOAD

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Braunsleeve said:

@mR12 @Dwesk @BERO @smiley face dude I can't tag @literally everyone

 

dankmemes.jpg

good i dont want you tagging me nerd

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@Negan

 

Shrek 2 ACT 1 Scene 1 There is a bed onstage behind a silky curtain, backlit. PRINCE CHARMING (os) Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss... of the handsome Prince Charming. [enters gallantly onstage] It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's keep. For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land. [looks at the audience] And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her... [pulls back the curtain to reveal WOLF in the bed. Gasps] WOLF What? CHARMING Princess... Fiona? WOLF No! CHARMING [relieved] Thank heavens. Where is she? WOLF She's on her honeymoon. CHARMING Honeymoon? With whom? 2 Scene 2 THE SWAMP SHREK It's so good to be home! Just you and me and... DONKEY [offstage] One is the loneliest number that you ever do...[enters] Two can be as bad as one... SHREK Donkey? DONKEY Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? SHREK Donkey, what are you doing here? DONKEY Taking care of your love nest for you. SHREK Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants? DONKEY Yeah, and feeding the fish! SHREK I don't have any fish. DONKEY You did. [looks around for the fish] SHREK Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going. DONKEY Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi? FIONA Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon? DONKEY Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. I thought I'd move in with you. FIONA You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey. SHREK But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone. DONKEY Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you. SHREK Donkey! 3 DONKEY Yes, roomie? SHREK You're bothering me. DONKEY Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess... Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so...Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something. SHREK He'll be fine. Now, where were we? [giggles] Oh.I think I remember. Donkey! DONKEY I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. What do you want me to tell these other guys? ROYAL MESSENGER enters to fanfare. MESSENGER [clears throat] "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing... upon you and your...uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. aka Mom and Dad." FIONA Mom and Dad? SHREK Prince Charming? DONKEY Royal ball? Can I come? SHREK We're not going. FIONA & DONKEY What? SHREK I mean, don't you think they might be a bit...shocked to see you like this? FIONA Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too. SHREK Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club. FIONA Stop it. They're not like that. SHREK How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band? FIONA Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance. SHREK To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks? 4 FIONA No! They just want to give you their blessing. SHREK Oh, great. Now I need their blessing? FIONA If you want to be a part of this family, yes! SHREK Who says I want to be part of this family? FIONA You did! When you married me! SHREK Well, there's some fine print for you! FIONA [exasperated sigh] So that's it. You won't come? SHREK Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final! ALL exit. SCENE 3 SHREK, DONKEY and FIONA re-enter with GINGY and PINOCHIO. SHREK is carrying luggage GINGY [walking by and picking up the ‘warning, Ogres sign’] Don't worry! We'll take care of everything. PINOCHIO Hey, wait for me. DONKEY Hit it! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Head 'em up, move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move ‘em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out! Pound 'em dead! Make 'em tea! Buy 'em drinks! Meet their mamas! Milk 'em hard! Rawhide! Yeehaw! SHREK, FIONA and DONKEY pass back and forth on the stage every time the E/E (Enter/exit symbol appears) DONKEY Are we there yet? SHREK No. DONKEY Are we there yet? FIONA Not yet. E/E 5 DONKEY OK, are we there yet? SHREK No. DONKEY Are we there yet? FIONA No! E/E DONKEY Are we there yet? SHREK Yes. DONKEY Really? SHREK No! DONKEY Are we there yet? SHREK & FIONA No! E/E DONKEY Are we there yet? SHREK [mimics] Are we there yet? DONKEY That's not funny. That's really immature. SHREK That's not funny. That's really immature. DONKEY This is why nobody likes ogres. SHREK This is why nobody likes ogres. DONKEY Your loss! SHREK Your loss! DONKEY I'm gonna just stop talking. SHREK Finally! DONKEY This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing! SHREK The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far, far...[softly] away! DONKEY All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored. SHREK [groans] Are we there yet? FIONA [chuckles] Yes! DONKEY Oh, finally! ALL exit 6 SCENE 4 FAR FAR AWAY (CASTLE ENTRANCE) MESSENGER Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband. SHREK and FIONA enter off-stage left. KING and QUEEN enter off-stage right. FIONA Well, this is it. KING This is it. MESSENGER This is it. [exits] SHREK [chuckles] So...you still think this was a good idea? FIONA Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us. KING Who on earth are they? QUEEN I think that's our little girl. KING That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell? QUEEN Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... SHREK Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches. FIONA They're my parents. SHREK Hello? They locked you in a tower. FIONA That was for my own... KING Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home. QUEEN Harold, we have to be... SHREK Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it. FIONA Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be... KING A disaster! There is no way... FIONA You can do this. Both parties begin moving toward eachother 7 SHREK I really... KING Really... QUEEN don't... SHREK want... FIONA to... KING be... SHREK Here! FIONA Mom... Dad...I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek. SHREK Well, um...It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from. [chuckles nervously] DONKEY enters shaking off a GUARD DONKEY [off-stage] What do you mean, "not on the list"? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. [enters] What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. I had the hardest time getting into this place. KING No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Go! FIONA No, Dad! It's all right. It's all right. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon. DONKEY That's me: the noble steed. SHREK Oh, boy. QUEEN So, Fiona, tell us about where you live. FIONA Well...Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey? SHREK Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... DONKEY [laughing] What? I know you ain't talking about the swamp. KING An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. QUEEN I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children. SHREK and KING cough involuntarily 8 SHREK It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it? KING Indeed. QUEEN Harold! SHREK What's that supposed to mean? FIONA Dad. It's great, OK? KING For his type, yes. SHREK My type? KING I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... SHREK Ogres, yes! QUEEN Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? KING Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young! FIONA Dad! SHREK No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower! FIONA Shrek, please! KING I only did that because I love her. SHREK Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle. KING You wouldn't understand. You're not her father! QUEEN Harold! FIONA Shrek! SHREK Fiona! KING Fiona! FIONA Mom! QUEEN Harold... DONKEY Donkey! FIONA exits crying 9 SCENE 5 STREETS OF FAR FAR AWAY FIONA enters, she hears the voice of FAIRY GODMOTHER FAIRY GODMOTHER (FG) Your fallen tears have called to me So, here comes my sweet remedy I know what every princess needs For her to live life happily... Both gasp FG Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all grown up. FIONA Who are you? FG Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother. FIONA I have a fairy godmother? FG Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a wave of my magic wand, your troubles will soon be gone. For example, how about a sporty carriage to ride in style, with a sexy man-boy chauffeur named Kyle? KYLE enters FIONA Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but... SHREK enters SHREK Fiona? Fiona. FIONA Oh, uh...Fairy Godmother... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek. FG Your husband? What? What did you say? When did this happen? FIONA Shrek is the one who rescued me. FG But that can't be right. SHREK Oh, great, more relatives! FIONA She's just trying to help. SHREK Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving. FIONA What? I don't want to leave. When did you decide this? 10 SHREK Shortly after arriving. FIONA Look, I'm sorry... FG No, that's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me... happiness...is just a teardrop away. SHREK Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy... FG So I see. Let's go, Kyle. FIONA Very nice, Shrek. SHREK What? I told you coming here was a bad idea. FIONA You could've at least tried to get along with my father. SHREK I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it. FIONA Do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted? SHREK Sure. Do you want me to pack for you? FIONA You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a... SHREK Go on! Say it! FIONA Like an ogre! SHREK Here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not...I am an ogre! And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change. FIONA I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. [exits] DONKEY That's real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre!" SCENE 6 KING AND QUEEN’S BEDCHAMBER KING I knew this would happen. QUEEN You should. You started it. 11 KING I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me. QUEEN I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. QUEEN This is Fiona's choice. KING But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing? QUEEN Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and... KING they were in bloom... QUEEN Our first kiss. KING It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster! QUEEN Oh, stop being such a drama king. KING Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong! La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse! FG [out on the balcony] Hello, Harold. KING gasps QUEEN What happened? KING Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! I'll just stretch it out here for a while. FG We need to talk. KING Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed.[yawns] Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about... we make this a quick visit. What? [Bumps up against two armed guards] Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha! So, what's new? FG You remember my son, Prince Charming? CHARMING enters KING Is that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back? 12 CHARMING Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert...I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower... FG Mommy can handle this.He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower...And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married. KING It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time. FG Harold. [GUARD reaches into his pocket] You’ve forced me to do something I really don't want to do. KING [gasps] What is that? What have you got there? GUARD pulls out a cellphone and gives it to FG FG My diet is ruined! Yes, I’d like two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings... CHARMING I'll have the Medieval Meal. FG One Medieval Meal and, Harold... Curly fries? KING No, thank you. FG Sourdough soft taco, then? KING No, really, I'm fine. FG Nothing else thanks.[hangs up] We made a deal, Harold, and I assume you don't want me to go back on my part. KING [sighs deeply] Indeed not. FG So, Fiona and Charming will be together. KING Yes. FG Believe me, Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter...but for your Kingdom. KING What am I supposed to do about it? FG Use your imagination. 13 ACT 2 SCENE 1 AT A PUB IN THE WOODS KING enters. A woman (UGLY STEPSISTER) is cleaning a glass with her back to the audience. KING [clears throat] Excuse me. Uh... excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. UGLY STEPSISTER turns around to reveal herself KING Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. UGLY STEPSISTER Who's the guy? KING Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um... He's an ogre. UGLY STEPSISTER Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly...he don't like to be disturbed. KING Where could I find him? UGLY STEPSISTER point to the dark corner of the room KING Hello? MYSTERIOUS VOICE Who dares speak to me? KING Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem? VOICE You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money. KING Would... this be enough? [holds up a heavy satchel of coins] VOICE You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre. 14 SCENE 2 CASTLE SHREK is alone reading FIONA’s diary. FIONA (offstage) Dear Diary... Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. A knock on door KING Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. SHREK No, no. I was just reading a, uh... a scary book. KING I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier. SHREK Okay... KING I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over... SHREK Look, Your Majesty, I just... KING Please. Call me Dad. SHREK Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other. KING Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, by the old oak? SHREK Sure. Fade out 15 SCENE 3 IN THE FOREST SHREK Face it, Donkey! We're lost. DONKEY We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. "Head to the darkest part of the woods...""Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches." The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! SHREK We passed that three times already! DONKEY You were the one who said not to stop for directions. SHREK Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you! DONKEY Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help. SHREK I know! I know. I'm sorry, all right? DONKEY Hey, don't worry about it. SHREK I just really need to make things work with this guy. DONKEY Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy. SHREK hears purring SHREK Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring? DONKEY What? I ain't purring. SHREK Sure. What's next? A hug? DONKEY Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a... PUSS IN BOOTS enters PUSS Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare! SHREK Look! A little cat. DONKEY Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! SHREK It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. 16 PUSS scratches SHREK’s outstretched hand PUSS Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from...Puss... in Boots! SHREK I'll kill that cat! PUSS Ah-ha-ha! [coughs, wheezes, retches, coughs, chuckles] Hairball. DONKEY Oh! That is nasty! SHREK What should we do with him? DONKEY Take the sword and neuter him. PUSS Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers... SHREK Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this? PUSS The rich King? Sí. SHREK Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing. DONKEY Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. SHREK Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming. PUSS That's what the King said. Oh, uh... sorry. I thought that question was directed at me. DONKEY Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her. SHREK Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just... I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone... "Happiness. Just a tear drop away." Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you! DONKEY Aw, man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going "Piñata!!" What is a piñata, anyway? 17 SHREK No, Donkey! I need you to cry! DONKEY Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to [Puss steps on his foot] Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of... KYLE enters with a cart KYLE Fairy Godmother is away from desk or with a client. But I can help you with your ‘Happiness problems’ [yawns] FAIRY GODMOTHER enters and Kyle stands up straight very quickly FG Kyle, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why aren’t you [notices SHREK] What in Grimm's name are you doing here? SHREK Well, um, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy. FG Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Cinderella."Lived happily ever after." No ogres! Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. No ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman...No, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after. SHREK All right, look, lady! FG Don't you point...those dirty green sausages at me! KYLE opens the cart to get a soda and SHREK notices the potions SHREK Ah... that's okay. We’ll go. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother. FG I need a Monte Cristo Sandwich now. You’ve got me all worked up. [exits] SHREK looks at KYLE, smiles, then knocks him out. DONKEY Shrek, are you off your nut? SHREK Donkey, quiet and keep watch. DONKEY Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself. SHREK opens the cart and passes potions to PUSS 18 PUSS Toad Stool Softener? Elfa Seltzer? Hex Lax? SHREK Help me find "handsome." PUSS Hey! How about "Happily Ever After"? SHREK Well, what does it do? PUSS It says "Beauty Divine." SHREK That'll have to do. She’s coming back. Go, Donkey! ALL exit. FG enters, with CHARMING following after. FG What happened here? Kyle! Clean this up. CHARMING Mother! FG This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working. CHARMING Whoa, what happened here? FG The ogre, that's what! CHARMING What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me! FG Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter. KYLE Pardon. Um...Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion. FG What? [looks in the cart] Oh...I do believe we can make this work to our advantage. SCENE 4 THE ROYAL CASTLE QUEEN Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball. KING Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball? FIONA Mom. Dad. KING Oh, hello, dear. What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming. FIONA Mom, have you seen Shrek? 19 QUEEN I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning. CEDRIC Can I help you, Your Majesty? KING Ah, yes! Um...Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish? CEDRIC That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty. KING Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric. FIONA Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek? KING No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night. FIONA Oh. You heard that, huh? KING The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be…well, a bit of a brute. FIONA Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon. KING Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you. FIONA Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me. KING Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same. SCENE 5 FOREST SHREK [reading the potion] "Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine." You both will be fine? I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too. DONKEY Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here. SHREK It says, "Beauty Divine." How bad can it be? [sniffs the potion and sneezes] DONKEY See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again! SHREK Well, here's to us, Fiona. DONKEY Shrek? You drink that, there's no going back. 20 SHREK I know. DONKEY No more wallowing in the mud? SHREK I know. DONKEY No more itchy butt crack? SHREK I know! DONKEY But you love being an ogre! SHREK I know! But I love Fiona more. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK drinks the potion. There’s a long pause then...he farts DONKEY I think you grabbed the "Farty Ever After" potion. PUSS Maybe it's a dud. SHREK Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. [Thunder cracks and he passes out] DONKEY Shrek! Black out. Fade in CASTLE INTERIOR. FIONA enters with her luggage. KING There you are! We missed you at dinner. What is it, darling? FIONA Dad...I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm going to set things right. KING Ah! Excellent! That's my girl. FIONA It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp where we belong. QUEEN Fiona, please! Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now. Thunder cracks again and FIONA collapses KING Fiona! 21 ACT 3 SCENE 1 IN THE BARN - MORNING SISTER Good morning, sleepyhead. I love your kitty! SHREK Oh... My head... SISTER Here, I fetched a pail of water. SHREK Thanks. Uhh! [sees his reflection in the pale] Aahh! A cute button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks? I'm... I'm... SISTER Gorgeous! [moves in closer] I'm Jill. What's your name? SHREK Um... Shrek. SISTER Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe? SHREK looks around confused SISTER You're tense. I want to rub your shoulders. SHREK Have you seen my donkey? DONKEY enters and begins studying SHREK, followed by PUSS DONKEY Wow! That's some quality potion, Shrek! What's in that stuff? PUSS "Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with... nervous disorders." SHREK What? PUSS Señor? "To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight." SHREK Midnight? DONKEY Why is it always midnight? SISTER Pick me! I'll be your true love! SHREK Look, lady, I already have a true love. SISTER Oh... 22 PUSS Take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess. DONKEY And let's face it. Even though you are a lot easier on the eyes, inside you're the same old mean, salty... SHREK (simultaneously) Easy. DONKEY ...cantankerous, foul, angry ogre you always been. SHREK And you're still the same annoying donkey. DONKEY [Bashful] Yeah. SHREK Well...Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me. DONKEY First things first. We need to get you out of those clothes. SISTER gasps SCENE 2 THE CASTLE GATES GUARD Halt! SHREK Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. FIONA wakes up as a human and looks at herself in the mirror. She screams SHREK Fiona! FIONA Shrek? SHREK runs into FIONA’s room as FIONA runs down to the castle gates. FG enters the room just before SHREK, she is cloaked. SHREK Fiona? FG Hello, handsome. FIONA Shrek! DONKEY Princess! FIONA Donkey? 23 DONKEY Wow! That potion worked on you, too? FIONA What potion? DONKEY Shrek took some magic potion. And well...Now, he’s sexy! FIONA [looking at PUSS] Shrek? PUSS For you, baby... I could be. DONKEY Yeah, you wish. FIONA Donkey, where is Shrek? DONKEY He went inside looking for you. DONKEY and PUSS exit. FIONA Shrek? SHREK Fiona! Fiona! FG [blocks his exit with her wand] Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife? CHARMING enters CHARMING Fiona? FIONA Shrek? CHARMING Aye, Fiona. It is me. What happened to your voice? SHREK The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona. But not the way I feel about you. KING and QUEEN enter QUEEN Fiona? KING Charming? CHARMING [showing off outfit] Do you think so? [laughs] Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve. QUEEN Um... Who are you? KING Mom, it's me, Shrek. I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think? [Hugs FIONA] SHREK Fiona! Fiona! 24 FG Fiona, Fiona! Ho-ho-ho! Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon.[sighs deeply] Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough? SHREK I just wanted her to be happy. FG And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams. SHREK But look at me. Look what I've done for her. FG It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion will ever change. SHREK But...I love her. FG If you really love her... you'll let her go. SHREK leaves SCENE 3 THE UGLY STEPSISTER’S TAVERN SISTER Here you go, boys. PUSS Just leave the bottle, Doris. SISTER Hey. Why the long face? SHREK It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place. PUSS I hate Mondays. DONKEY I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you. SHREK What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming. DONKEY Come on. Is he really that good-looking? SISTER Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels. PUSS Oh. He sounds dreamy. 25 SHREK You know...shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. DONKEY Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona. SHREK Aye. And that's why I have to let her go. KING enters in a cloak, at the back of the tavern. KING Excuse me, is she here? GUARD She's, uh... in the back. KING Oh, hello again. Fairy Godmother. Charming. FG You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. KING Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming. CHARMING FYI, not my fault. FG No, of course it's not, dear. CHARMING I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre? KING No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? FG and CHARMING What? KING You can't force someone to fall in love! FG I beg to differ. I do it all the time! [pulls out a magical potion from her bag] Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. KING Umm... no. FG What did you say? KING I can't. I won't do it. FG Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. Is that what you want? Is it? 26 KING No. FG Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back. CHARMING Oh. Thank you, Mother. DONKEY Mother? FG The ogre! Stop them! Stop them! The guards grab SHREK, DONKEY and PUSS and all exit SCENE 4 IN THE CASTLE The KING enters with a pair of tea cups. He pours the poison into one of them, just before FIONA enters. KING Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball? FIONA I'm not going. KING The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage. FIONA There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I mean, look at him. KING Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother. FIONA Change? He's completely lost his mind! KING Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek. FIONA But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back. [reached for one of the tea cups] KING Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night. FIONA [drinking from the other cup] Thanks. 27 SCENE 5 THE DUNGEON DONKEY I got to get out of here! I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! SHREK You HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. PUSS I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad. PINOCHIO Shrek? Donkey? PUSS Too late. SHREK Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here! GINGY Quick! Tell a lie! PINOCHIO What should I say? SHREK Anything, but quick! GINGY Say something crazy like, "I'm wearing ladies' underwear!" PINOCHIO I am wearing ladies' underwear. SHREK Are you? PINOCHIO I most certainly am not! [his nose grows] DONKEY It looks like you most certainly am are! PINOCHIO I am not! PUSS What kind? GINGY [looking in the back of PINOCHIO’s lederhosen] It's a thong! PINOCHIO Oww! They're briefs! GINGY Are not. PINOCHIO Are too! GINGY Here we go. Hang tight. [picks the lock with PINOCHIO’s nose] SHREK Okay boys! We've got to stop that kiss! 28 DONKEY I thought you was going to let her go. SHREK I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona. DONKEY Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around! PINOCHIO It's impossible! You'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything! [nose shrinks back down] GINGY Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. SHREK Don’t worry guys, I have a plan. To the castle! SCENE 6 THE ROYAL BALL ROYAL MESSENGER Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek. AUDIENCE applauses, cheering. CHARMING begins waving and encouraging the audience FIONA Shrek, what are you doing? CHARMING I'm just playing the part, Fiona. FIONA Is that glitter on your lips? CHARMING Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste? FIONA Ugh! What is with you? CHARMING But, Muffin Cake... FIONA gets fed up and turns to leave, CHARMING looks at FG for help. FG [Sotto Voce] Play something! Now! [turns to the AUDIENCE] Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to dedicate this song to... Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. CHARMING Fiona, my Princess. Will you honor me with a dance? AUDIENCE Dance! Dance! FIONA Since when do you dance? 29 CHARMING Fiona, my dearest, if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises. OUTSIDE THE BALL All right, fellas! Let's crash this party! GUARD Halt right there! GINGY Make me! GUARD grabs GINGY by the collar GINGY Not the gumdrop button! DONKEY and PUSS grab the GUARD DONKEY Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go! SHREK exits PUSS Today, I repay my debt. GUARD yells and is chased offstage by PUSS. DONKEY, PINOCHIO and GINGY FOLLOW SHREK Stop! Hey, you! Back away from my wife. FIONA Shrek? FG You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone. SHREK Pinocchio! Get the wand! PINOCHIO runs for the wand but gets zapped along the way. His ‘PINOCHIO’ nose is gone. PINOCHIO I'm a real boy! The WOLF barges in and blows the wand out of FG’s hand, GINGY picks it up and accidentally zaps PINOCHIO, his wooden nose appears again. PINOCHIO I'm a real boy. Aah! Oh. FG That's mine! PUSS and DONKEY enter DONKEY Pray for mercy, from Puss... PUSS and Donkey! FG She's taken the potion! Kiss her now! CHARMING kisses FIONA 30 SHREK No! CHARMING and FIONA look at eachother longingly, SHREK is heartbroken. FIONA (headbutting CHARMING) Hya! ALL gasp SHREK Fiona. FIONA Shrek. SHREK and FIONA embrace FG Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion! KING Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea. CHARMING [snatching the wand and tossing it back to FG] Mommy! FIONA Mommy? FG I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after. FG tries to zap SHREK but KING grabs the wand. They both disappear. FIONA Oh, Dad![sobbing] PINOCHIO Is he...? GINGY Yup. He croaked. Croak sound can be heard. FIONA picks up a frog QUEEN Harold? FIONA Dad? KING I'd hoped you'd never see me like this. DONKEY And he gave you a hard time! SHREK Donkey! KING No, no, he's right. I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But I can see now... she already has it. Shrek, Fiona... Will you accept an old frog's apologies... and my blessing? QUEEN Harold? KING I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. 31 QUEEN You're more that man today than you ever were... warts and all. Clock chimes PUSS Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion! SHREK Midnight! Fiona. Is this what you want? To be this way forever? FIONA What? SHREK Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this. FIONA You'd do that? For me? SHREK Yes. FIONA I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after, [SHREK leans in to kiss her but she stops him] with the ogre I married. PUSS Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! [sobs] Clock chimes. Flashing lights, as the crowd gathers round and reveals the ogre SHREK and FIONA SHREK Now, where were we? Oh. I remember. Fade out. Spotlight on DONKEY. DONKEY Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta? FANFARE

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@Dwesk Let's find people and make a numetal deathcore band playing on 8 strings, posing for album artwork, acting fierce, but when it comes to music we will steal every disney movie lyrics + every album will have bonus song liek for example cover of All Star and we will call ourselves Living Noise and our first album will be self titled 

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3 minutes ago, Lukyfan said:

@Dwesk Let's find people and make a numetal deathcore band playing on 8 strings, posing for album artwork, acting fierce, but when it comes to music we will steal every disney movie lyrics + every album will have bonus song liek for example cover of All Star and we will call ourselves Living Noise and our first album will be self titled 

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The joke's up dude - that's obviously Harry Potter.

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FEATURED ALBUM • BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB // I HAD THE BLUES BUT I SHOOK THEM LOOSE • Indie Rock
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I don't know how to mention somebody because I'm a noob but 

 

 

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@BRDSX from your favourite America hater ;)4908299b2a.png

 


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@Lord Kingdom

 

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let me in.

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